Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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