Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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