70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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