no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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