At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize