He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
