I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
