I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
