I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
