Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
