i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
