The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
