First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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