the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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