K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
