i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize