be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize