You just made me feel so damn special
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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