She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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