...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
