Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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