I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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