The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
