It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
