sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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