beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize