Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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