She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize