I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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