It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We need to get me chipped asap
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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