You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
