Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
