Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
