How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
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