Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize