3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
