Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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