I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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