he shaved USA in his pubs
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize