No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
