Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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