I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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