trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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