well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
