its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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