so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize