Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
