Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
