he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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