no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
