i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
