this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize