I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
