It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
