no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
