The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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