just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
