I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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