dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
