Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
