Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
