Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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