I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
