I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
