plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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