if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
