oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
