In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
